Saturday, September 13, 2014


News Clips For The Day


https://gma.yahoo.com/sarah-palins-family-allegedly-alaska-house-party-brawl-125306894--abc-news-celebrities.html

Sarah Palin's Family Allegedly in Alaska House Party Brawl
By ABC NEWS Good Morning America
September 12, 2014

Sarah Palin and her family were at the center of a lively party last weekend that erupted into a fight, with daughter Bristol Palin allegedly throwing a right hook, a man who says he was a guest at the party told ABC News.

“She was punching him [another man] in the face like six times; it was an assault if I’ve ever seen one,” Eric Thompson said, adding that he was among 70 guests at the birthday party in Anchorage Saturday.

“It wasn’t a light punch either. She was really hitting him. I’m surprised he just sat there and took it.”

Political blogger Amanda Coyne reported that Sarah Palin, along with husband Todd and kids Bristol, Willow and Track, arrived in a stretch Hummer and that the fighting started as the beer started flowing.

The Palin family was asked to leave the party after Track Palin, 21, allegedly attacked another party guest who had previously dated his younger sister, Willow Palin, Thompson said.

“I heard Sarah Palin yell do you know who I am? All of us could not believe it. We thought we were watching an episode of Jerry Springer,” he added.

Anchorage police said members of the Palin family were attending a party at the home Saturday night when a fight erupted outside. They declined to provide further details.

“I gave a statement to police; my wife did and like 10 other people did,” Thompson said.

Sarah Palin made no mention of the alleged altercation in an appearance on Fox News’ “Hannity Show” Thursday night.

The Palin family did not return several requests for comment.




This is a fascinating story. I wish I knew what the fight was about – jealousy? “The Palin family was asked to leave the party after Track Palin, 21, allegedly attacked another party guest who had previously dated his younger sister, Willow Palin, Thompson said.” It looks like two of the Palin kids slung some punches. This definitely departs from good Republican decorum – since they are supposed to represent “the cream of the cream” in America. Is this what big money is for? And just think, if Senator McCain had had his way, she would be Vice President now. People complain about Joe Biden's overly honest statements. He is nothing to this woman. “Sarah Palin made no mention of the alleged altercation in an appearance on Fox News’ 'Hannity Show' Thursday night. The Palin family did not return several requests for comment.” That's not surprising.




Woman found to be missing cerebellum
CBS NEWS September 12, 2014, 3:15 PM

A woman who recently paid a visit to her local emergency room for common symptoms of vertigo and nausea ended up receiving a surprising diagnosis: She's missing part a part of her brain, know as the cerebellum.

According to a report by the New Scientist, the 24-year-old woman was admitted to the Chinese PLA General Hospital of Jinan Military Area Command in Shandong Province, and after reporting her symptoms, the woman also informed doctors that she'd had gait problem throughout her life. Additionally, the woman told doctors that she didn't begin to walk until age 7 and she was also unable to speak properly until age 6.

A CAT scan of her brain immediately identified the problem. The was no brain tissue at the spot where the spine meets the brain. Instead of a cerebellum the area was filled up with cerebrospinal fluid.

The cerebellum is responsible for controlling a person's motor skills and balance. Abnormalities of this area of the brain can result in a number of issues, including speech and motor problems and epilepsy.

While rare, brain malformations are not unheard of. A majority occur in utero when the fetus is developing, and can be caused by problems with a developing central nervous system or genetic mutations.

People with these unusual brains offer scientists the opportunity to study neuroplasticity, a phenomenon in which the brain creates new neural pathways to compensate for deficiencies, which can allow the person to still function at optimal or near-optimal levels. This process, called "axonal sprouting," often occurs in victims of stroke and traumatic brain injury, who lose function of a brain region or entire hemisphere. In the 24-year-old woman's case, it has been speculated that this process took more than the first five years of her life until her brain cortex filled in for her missing cerebellum.





This story reminds me of another case from a number of years ago in which a young child had very frequent and disabling seizures. Doctors finally did the unthinkable – they removed half of her brain. Her brain fairly quickly began to recover functions as the remainder of the organ took over those activities. This article gives some details that weren't told on the news, some of which are undoubtedly newly discovered, such as neuroplasticity and “axonal sprouting.” These processes apparently can occur in older people, not just children, as the article says it often occurs after strokes and traumatic brain injury. This is truly amazing and miraculous. People generally think that brain injuries end up with a life in a nursing home or at the very least a wheel chair, but that doesn't have to be true. This is a great piece of news to balance out the typical stories of difficult problems or horrible crimes.





Obama vows "relentless" fight against ISIS
By JAKE MILLER CBS NEWS September 13, 2014, 10:39 AM

President Obama again detailed America's expanded military mission against jihadists with the Islamic State of Iraq and Syria, or ISIS, in his weekly addressSaturday, vowing a "targeted, relentless counterterrorism campaign" against the extremists that have swept across much of Iraq and Syria in recent months.

The president first explained his anti-ISIS strategy in a primetime speech from the White House Wednesday evening, and much of his address Saturday reiterated the points he made in his earlier speech.

He said America would continue launching targeted airstrikes against ISIS in Iraq and that the U.S. is "prepared" to take action in Syria as well. He said the U.S. would send additional troops to Iraq to advise local groups fighting the extremists. And he also touted new involvement from "allies and partners" in the fight against ISIS.

"This week, Arab nations agreed to strengthen their support for the new Iraqi government and to do their part in the fight against [ISIS], including aspects of the military campaign," he said. "Saudi Arabia will join the effort to help train and equip moderate Syrian opposition forces. And retired Marine Gen. John Allen -- who during the Iraq war worked with Sunnis in Iraq as they fought to reclaim their communities from terrorists -- will serve as our special envoy to help build and coordinate our growing coalition."

Secretary of State John Kerry has been jet-setting throughout the region this week to corral support from Arab Gulf states and other regional partners to help defuse the threat posed by ISIS.

Back home, Congress is already knee-deep in negotiations on a proposal that would give the president authority to equip and train the moderate Syrian rebel groups. Democratic and Republican leaders have advised their rank-and-file to support the president's request. House Speaker John Boehner, R-Ohio, for example, said Thursday that it's "important we give the president what he's asking for."

"The issue here is about defeating a terrorist threat that is real and imminent," Boehner said.

The president said Saturday that U.S. intelligence services have "not yet detected specific [ISIS] plots against our homeland," but he noted that ISIS leaders "have repeatedly threatened the United States."

"If left unchecked, these terrorists could pose a growing threat beyond the Middle East, including to the United States," he said. "So we're staying vigilant."
U.S. officials are particularly concerned about the thousands of foreign fighters who have flocked to Iraq and Syria to join ISIS' cause. Officials estimate that ISIS can muster between 20,000 and 31,500 foreign fighters -- an increase from a previous estimate of roughly 10,000. Of those thousands, over a hundred may be Americans. The fear is that those individuals may evade detection and return home, battle-hardened and ready to attack the U.S.

Despite the expansion of the U.S. campaign against ISIS, Mr. Obama pledged to "avoid the mistakes of the past," effectively ruling out the commitment of American troops to a combat role in the conflict.

"American military power is unmatched, but this can't be America's fight alone," he said. "And the best way to defeat a group like [ISIS] isn't by sending large numbers of American combat forces to wage a ground war in the heart of the Middle East. That wouldn't serve our interests. In fact, it would only risk fueling extremism even more."

In the weekly Republican address Saturday, Arizona congressional candidate Andy Tobin condemned Democrats for "overregulation" and deficit spending, saying it's time to "restore the balance of power for hardworking taxpayers."

Tobin, the speaker of the Arizona House, also stressed the imperative of repealing Obamacare, warning of insurance rate hikes and people losing access to their longtime doctors.

Tobin said that House Republicans are making a "good-faith" effort to advance ideas to help the middle class but Senate Democrats "won't give them a vote."

"They're more worried about losing their Senate majority than the concerns of the American people," he said.





“'This week, Arab nations agreed to strengthen their support for the new Iraqi government and to do their part in the fight against [ISIS], including aspects of the military campaign,' he said. 'Saudi Arabia will join the effort to help train and equip moderate Syrian opposition forces.'... 'Officials estimate that ISIS can muster between 20,000 and 31,500 foreign fighters -- an increase from a previous estimate of roughly 10,000. Of those thousands, over a hundred may be Americans. The fear is that those individuals may evade detection and return home, battle-hardened and ready to attack the U.S....' 'American military power is unmatched, but this can't be America's fight alone,' he said. 'And the best way to defeat a group like [ISIS] isn't by sending large numbers of American combat forces to wage a ground war in the heart of the Middle East. That wouldn't serve our interests. In fact, it would only risk fueling extremism even more. '”

This is progress. I think a plan to defeat ISIS is forming, and there are more Arab nation allies now. I do agree with the president that the more we send in American ground troops, the more the local people will resent US power. Part of the problem has been how we fought in Iraq and lately in Afghanistan – from torture in some cases to sending groups of American soldiers to break down people's doors and possibly beat the men and women who were at home, all in the name of rooting out terrorists. I don't think those things will be easily forgotten. If the Arab states send in their troops, either they won't be so callous or they will have a closer relationship with the local people. Hopefully those things just won't continue to go on. I don't think we have the luxury of staying out of the fight entirely, with a truly brutal group like ISIS marauding in the area.





Teddy Roosevelt would never get elected in 2014
By JOHN DICKERSON CBS NEWS September 13, 2014, 11:52 AM

This article originally appeared on Slate.

After binge-watching Ken Burns' latest 14-hour documentary on the Roosevelts, I moved through the world at its deliberate pace. I was scheduled to meet Burns for breakfast and panned across the restaurant looking for him the way his camera helps you find a young FDR in a Harvard group photo. A trusted narrator in my head described the scene, accompanied by a piano. I expected David McCullough would be letting us know about the specials on the menu.

The pace quickened upon contact. Ken Burns is not like a Ken Burns film. He is fast-moving and speaks in riffs, nearly the linguistic opposite of his carefully constructed documentaries. Over 45 minutes our conversation touched on Harry Potter, the shooting in Ferguson, Vietnam, the Affordable Care Act, money in politics, shredded attention, restraint, the press, Mitch McConnell, Tolstoy, Ecclesiastes, steroids in baseball, the missing Malaysian airliner, and the nature of art.

And yet we still had time for the crowded lives of Teddy, Franklin, and Eleanor Roosevelt, and the more than 100 years of American history contained in The Roosevelts (airing at 8 p.m. Eastern on PBS from Sept. 14 to 20), which Burns spent the last seven years shaping into a seven-part narrative. It is three stories interwoven: the American story of rapid industrial and cultural change from the Progressive Era through World War II, the political story of two men who shaped the modern presidency, and the personal story of three towering figures full of wounds and failures and triumphs.

Despite the range of subjects we covered, our conversation was mostly about pace. Burns is in a great hurry to get people to slow down. He would like them to watch 14-hour documentaries, of course, but also to understand the complexity and tensions at the heart of history. It makes for more meaningful lives, he believes, and a better understanding of events, including the ones unfolding before us in the present.

"We are in a media culture where we are buried in information but we know nothing," said Burns. "Because of that superficiality, we expect heroes to be perfect, but they're not. They are a strange combination of strengths and weaknesses." He points to two of his main characters as examples. "Franklin and Theodore couldn't get out of the Iowa caucuses [today]. Franklin is too infirm. CNN and Fox would be vying for the worst images of him unlocking the braces, the sweat pouring off his brow, the obvious pain and that kind of pity that it would engender would be political poison. And Theodore is just too hot for the new medium of television. There would be 10 'Howard Dean' moments a day."

It's impossible not to think about these two presidents in the modern context, because the issues of the last century are the issues of today. What is the role of government? What can a citizen expect from that government? What is the right balance between idealism and pragmatism? How does character shape leadership? How does adversity shape character?

Teddy Roosevelt and his fifth cousin expanded the modern presidency and put the federal government to work for the people in a way it never had been before. "The Constitution was made for the people, not the people for the Constitution," TR said. It is sometimes said that presidents make their own weather. This may be a fanciful understanding of the power of the office, but if this theory has any merit, it is in part because of these two men. When Barack Obama is criticized for not using his power to do more, he can blame 26 and 32 for setting such a high standard.

Times were different. As Burns points out, the Roosevelts could never get elected in today's political world. Still, there is also a relentless activity from both Roosevelt presidents that makes it hard to imagine that, if they did win office, they would be stymied by today's political gridlock. "They reveled in the contact sport of political persuasion," said Burns. They might fail in confronting their adversaries, but the effort would be spectacular.

Bold, persistent experimentation is what FDR called it. Both Roosevelts were always on the move, clashing with the prevailing order, whether it was the party bosses or members of Congress. They often won. FDR had the Depression to create the sense of crisis that gave him free rein, but Teddy Roosevelt had no such calamity. He worried about that, saying that Lincoln would have been a forgettable president without the Civil War. Teddy had no such war, and yet we still talk about his bully pulpit and quote his aphorism about carrying a big stick when talking about presidential power. He took on the monopolies, threatened to send federal troops to operate the coal mines, and battled for the Pure Food and Drug Act and the Federal Meat Inspection Act.

You'd love to see Teddy Roosevelt and Andrew Jackson in a cage match for toughest president. Both men survived being shot at by assassins, but Roosevelt was actually hit by a bullet and then gave an hour-long speech, opening his shirt to show the growing bloom of blood. This scene is vintage Burns, opening with the ghostly voice of William McKinley, who Roosevelt's would-be assassin said had told him to shoot the president, then shifting to the X-ray of the bullet in Roosevelt's chest, and finally hearing Paul Giamatti as Roosevelt reading the opening lines of his remarks. "Friends, I shall ask you to be as quiet as possible. I don't know whether you fully understand that I have just been shot; but it takes more than that to kill a Bull Moose." After his presidency, on a trip down the Amazon, a bedridden Roosevelt almost did himself in with an overdose of morphine to save his companions from having to cart him through an impasse in the bush.

Teddy Roosevelt also glorified war for its own sake, treating it as a refreshing purgative to enliven the spirit and a country's greatness. As George Will points out in Burns' film, Teddy set the stage for a century of bloody warfare. Will is a particularly good voice among the cast of eminent scholars and writers as a counterbalance to the heroic portrayal.""George Will's presence in the series is the governor on the overenthusiastic hagiography," said Burns, whose Civil War series has been criticized for losing historic reality to a sentimental view.

The subtitle of the film is "An Intimate History," which means it is different than the normal Burns fare. He and writer Geoffrey C. Ward focus much more on the personal architecture behind these figures than they did in the Civil War series or their collaborations on baseball or jazz. The material is rich and plentiful, and it makes each of these characters feel textured. All grew up in lives of privilege, but all faced brutal setbacks. Teddy Roosevelt was born with crippling asthma; his wife and mother died on the same day. His bouts of depression led to that life of activity. "Black care rarely sits behind a rider whose pace is fast enough," he said. FDR was a deeply selfish man coddled by a controlling mother, but his bout with polio almost ended his life.

Though FDR followed his older cousin's career path, it is his wife who shares the closest psychological similarities with Teddy. She grew up insecure and unloved and then married a man whose infidelity only compounded those insecurities. The still photographs Burns chooses when talking about FDR's selfishness (the upturned nose, the smug air) are perfect; the shots of the couple during strains in their marriage show them to be a million miles away when standing side by side. Eleanor threw herself into her work. Once a day, do something that scares you, she said. Eleanor Roosevelt also had a group of dark riders she was trying to outrun.

After spending so many years working to shape the Roosevelt story, Burns still caries them around in his head, though he has moved on to projects about the Vietnam War, the history of country music, and Jackie Robinson. "I love them," he said, "the way you love complicated people in your own life. And it's not without judgment and disappointment. I cried in the edit room when they died, all three of them. That doesn't mean I'm sentimental and nostalgic. That's just the way you feel when you get close to people."




“It is three stories interwoven: the American story of rapid industrial and cultural change from the Progressive Era through World War II, the political story of two men who shaped the modern presidency, and the personal story of three towering figures full of wounds and failures and triumphs. Despite the range of subjects we covered, our conversation was mostly about pace. Burns is in a great hurry to get people to slow down. He would like them to watch 14-hour documentaries, of course, but also to understand the complexity and tensions at the heart of history. It makes for more meaningful lives, he believes, and a better understanding of events, including the ones unfolding before us in the present.... 'Franklin and Theodore couldn't get out of the Iowa caucuses [today]. Franklin is too infirm. CNN and Fox would be vying for the worst images of him unlocking the braces, the sweat pouring off his brow, the obvious pain and that kind of pity that it would engender would be political poison. And Theodore is just too hot for the new medium of television. There would be 10 'Howard Dean' moments a day.' … Teddy Roosevelt and his fifth cousin expanded the modern presidency and put the federal government to work for the people in a way it never had been before. 'The Constitution was made for the people, not the people for the Constitution,' TR said....and finally hearing Paul Giamatti as Roosevelt reading the opening lines of his remarks. 'Friends, I shall ask you to be as quiet as possible. I don't know whether you fully understand that I have just been shot; but it takes more than that to kill a Bull Moose.'

I am going to try to watch this series, beginning tomorrow night. I hope intensely that my unreliable channel 7 PBS station will work tomorrow. I called them once and asked them if they sometimes varied the output power on their station to save money and they denied it, but sometimes I can get it (I don't have cable) and others it is completely unavailable. I've almost given up on that station, but maybe it will work for me tomorrow. Wish me luck.






Mexican Crackdown Slows Central American Immigration To U.S.-- NPR
by CARRIE KAHN
September 12, 2014

Migrants at a shelter in southern Mexico say that Mexico's interior checkpoints are making it harder to travel north. Some have given up on reaching the U.S. and are trying to stay in Mexico.

The number of Central Americans reaching the U.S. border has dropped dramatically. According to the U.S. Border Patrol, 60 percent fewer unaccompanied minors were apprehended in August than at the height of the migration crisis earlier this summer.

One factor leading to the drastic decline is an unprecedented crackdown in Mexico. Under pressure from the United States, Mexico has begun arresting and deporting tens of thousands of Central Americans long before they reach the U.S. Border.

Stepped-Up Deportations

The dinner bell rings at the Casa Belen migrant shelter, in a rundown neighborhood in Mexico's southern border town of Tapachula. A couple of dozen migrants file in for open-faced bean and cheese sandwiches, slathered with red salsa.

A 22-year-old man, who just arrived at the shelter from the Guatemalan highlands, devours his meal. He'll only give his first name, Jorge. He's afraid of Mexican authorities. Last week they caught him about 200 miles north of here and deported him. He crossed back illegally a day ago.

"I'm scared to go north again, but one has to fight for one's family," he says.

Jorge has seven brothers and sisters and says he has to send money home so at least some of them can go to school.

But he says the Mexicans have put up more immigration checkpoints than ever and it's much harder to travel toward America.

This summer, Mexican authorities, who've long turned a blind eye to Central Americans' journey north, announced an unprecedented buildup of federal forces along Mexico's southern border.

Part of that plan includes a dozen interior checkpoints, where immigration officials stop buses and small vans carrying passengers north to look inside, check IDs and ask questions.

A More Dangerous Trek 

More checkpoints means the trip north is now longer and more dangerous.

About a 30-minute drive north of Tapachula, in the town of Huixtla, Chiapas, a church runs a shelter for migrants. Fidemio Hernandez, 17 and from Guatemala, traveled from Tapachula, walking the entire way. It took him 10 hours.

"To avoid the checkpoints, we walked all night in the woods, so the officials wouldn't catch us," says Hernandez. He's pale and sweating, and his right foot is swollen.

Not only are authorities manning more checkpoints; they're also barring migrants from boarding the lumbering freight trains, collectively known as La Bestia, or the Beast, that travel north to the U.S. Border.

In all, more than 30,000 Central Americans have been apprehended and sent home since the crackdown began, according to Mexico's interior minister. Many are children: In the first seven months of this year, 20,000 minors were returned — more than were deported in all of last year.

Critics say Mexico is doing the United States' dirty work.

"We are now the servants of the U.S. in this role," says Sergio Aguayo, a professor at El Colegio de Mexico. He says migrants are still fleeing Central America. Nothing has changed there; the root problems of poverty, exploitation and violence still prevail.

And, he adds, "It is not a simple issue that can be solved by closing the doors of Mexico or convincing them not to come."

While Mexico is cracking down on migrants traveling north through the country, the nation's southern border is still unpoliced. Migrants can easily cross the river from Guatemala in rafts.

A Wide-Open Border

U.S. officials say a big reason Central Americans aren't showing up farther north is a successful public relations campaign back home, dispelling rumors that children can get special permission to stay in the U.S.

They also say the summer heat and heavy rains have deterred many from trying too. And that's evident right at the Mexico-Guatemala border, along the banks of the wide Suchiate river. It is hot and humid, and the water is high from recent storms. Rafts made of huge inner tubes connected by wooden planks move swiftly across, carrying illegal commerce and occasionally migrants.

The crackdown hundreds of miles to the north isn't present here. In fact, there isn't a Mexican official anywhere in sight. Nearly all of the 500-plus-mile-long border between Mexico and Guatemala is wide open.

That's how Jose Ruada, his wife and two small children were able to slip into Mexico and easily make their way to the migrant shelter in Tapachula. They fled El Salvador just days before, after gang members showed up at their small bakery.

"They demanded $300 a month or they would kill my wife and two daughters," say Ruada. The family put everything it could in one suitcase and ran.

They've heard about the Mexican crackdown beginning just north of here and have decided not to risk trying to get to the U.S. Instead they'll stay put in Tapachula and ask Mexico officially for refugee protection.

That's a risky plan, say human rights advocates. The numbers are not in their favor. Last year Mexico granted protection to only 208 Central Americans.




I hate to say “Nya Nya Nya Nya Na Na!”to some of the sabre rattling Republicans, but President Obama's plan to reach out to the Central American and Mexican governments for help on this problem has worked, it seems. I suspect his personal broadcasts aimed at the people of the three nations which were the source of the throngs of children worked, too, telling those parents not to send their kids because they will be turned back. As a result of Mexico's building a dozen new checkpoints and “an unprecedented buildup of federal forces along Mexico's southern border the flow of people has slowed drastically. Migrants have been removed from buses, large vans and from the freight trains which some kids were riding on as well. “In all, more than 30,000 Central Americans have been apprehended and sent home since the crackdown began, according to Mexico's interior minister. Many are children: In the first seven months of this year, 20,000 minors were returned — more than were deported in all of last year.... U.S. officials say a big reason Central Americans aren't showing up farther north is a successful public relations campaign back home, dispelling rumors that children can get special permission to stay in the U.S.” I want to thank the Mexican authorities. Doing this undoubtedly takes a chunk out of their budget, but it is a task that very much needed to be done. You are true friends.






How To Be A 21st Century 'Gentleman' – NPR
by SHEREEN MARISOL MERAJI
September 12, 2014

Back in 1967 the rules for dating were fairly clear-cut whether you agreed with them or not. Check out this U.S. Navy instructional video, How to Succeed with Brunettes. (What is UP with that title, anyway?)

The suggestions: Be on time, make it easy for her to slip her coat on and off, pull out her chair, stand when she enters a room, sit after she sits, and don't you dare forget to open the door. As the narrator in the video says, "Doors afford a continued supply of chances to make an impression on your companion."

Not so much, these days.

"I can open my own door," says college freshman Chiamaka Njoku, 18. "I don't see the point of opening up the door; most of these doors are automatic anyway."

Njoku recently took an etiquette class at Farm Stand restaurant in Los Angeles with 11 other students from the South Central Scholars. All in college or college-bound, they're here brushing up on how to behave during meals with prospective employers. Rachel Isgar, of Please Pass the Manners, is teaching the class.

Chinonso Anokwute was quick to express his frustration.

"It's the opening-the-door thing," he says. "It's like, you're either getting an attitude with me, or I open it and you don't say thank you, and I'm not opening it for no reason, I'm trying to be nice."

Anna Phutisatayakul sits across from Anokwute and says she likes having doors opened for her and chairs pulled out. She goes so far as to say she wouldn't mind if her date offered to carry her purse. But other women in the group disagree. They don't want a man doing any of that, because they can do it for themselves, they say.

Njoku has a different very attitude when it comes to the check.

"If a man wants to pay for the whole meal, I will not stop him," she says.

Chris Polk II says all the different expectations and requests keep things interesting. "You've got to do research in order to be a gentleman with certain people."

Or, you can take a class. There's one coming up in late November in Dallas called "The Power of Being a Gentleman," taught by Deborah King, who founded the Final Touch Finishing School. She says what to do when you approach the door is always a hot topic.

"We actually have to close the conversation down about who should open the door because it can drag out, there's such confusion about it," she says.

King says on a date — unless a woman says otherwise — the gentleman opens the door, offers to pay, suggests good options on the dinner menu, asks his date what she'd like and places her order. She's been getting more requests from young people eager to bring back that kind of old-fashioned civility. "I am so excited; I don't think there's a better time in history to model being a lady and a gentleman," she says.

Steven Petrow — aka Mr. Manners — says the definitions for "lady" and "gentleman" are outdated. He writes the Civilities column for The Washington Post and has a website dedicated to LGBT etiquette.

"In the gay community, you didn't have that tradition to fall back on," Petrow says about how to be a "gentleman" dating a "lady." So, the rules are different. And those same-sex-dating guidelines can help opposite-sex daters make sense of the confusion that accompanies changing gender roles today, he says.

"Everyone listen up: The one who gets to the door first, please open up the door for yourself and the person who's behind you."

And take a cue from same-sex daters on paying, too, Petrow says. If you invite, you pay the bill. If gestures like pulling out chairs and helping with coats are done with the right intentions, he says, there's no harm in trying.

"Respect, kindness and civility," says Petrow. "Guys, ask yourself, 'Does it fit into one of those three?' and if it does, then you're cool."

At the end of that U.S. Navy instructional video, the narrator echoes that advice. "Consideration for others, kindness — this is being a gentleman."
So, there are a few things that haven't changed since 1967.




“'In the gay community, you didn't have that tradition to fall back on,' Petrow says about how to be a 'gentleman' dating a 'lady. So, the rules are different. And those same-sex-dating guidelines can help opposite-sex daters make sense of the confusion that accompanies changing gender roles today, he says. 'Everyone listen up: The one who gets to the door first, please open up the door for yourself and the person who's behind you.' And take a cue from same-sex daters on paying, too, Petrow says. If you invite, you pay the bill. If gestures like pulling out chairs and helping with coats are done with the right intentions, he says, there's no harm in trying. 'Respect, kindness and civility,' says Petrow. 'Guys, ask yourself, 'Does it fit into one of those three?' and if it does, then you're cool.'”

I personally am happiest being very informal, so I would like to pay my bill while my date pays his, unless he insists – for which I will thank him sincerely; and I do follow the rule of “whoever gets to the door first.” I don't find most men are able to hold my coat in a way that I can easily slip into it, so I would like to hold my own coat. It just works better. I think pulling out my chair is a lot of trouble and I don't need it, but if the man wants to, I may find myself thinking he is charming. Above all, I don't want to be considered “not a lady” if I behave like a free woman with a man by doing these things for myself, and I don't want any formal folderol to confuse him into thinking that I won't speak my mind. I, of course, expect him to do the same – without using crudeness or absolute profanity that is – as I value honesty above charm, though some charm as well as honesty is nice. If I have an honest relationship with as much simple kindness as possible, I will be very pleased.