Tuesday, September 17, 2013

11:33 I had a doctor's appointment today at 8:30 for a blood test and consultation. I got a new prescription for Flonase, a nasal spray that used to help me a lot. I hope it does, because I am tired of this endless stuffy nose and tickling throat. I have coughed so much that my chest and throat hurt.

I made three cups of coffee this morning, instead of two. I don't want to make a habit of that, but every now and then I just want the luxury of having something tasty to sip. I'm reading the book on introversion. I have never had any doubt that I am primarily introverted, but I also have a more extroverted side – at least I am pretty assertive and interested in the external world. This author keeps talking about the preference for internal thoughts. I do read almost constantly, but I like exciting or intriguing things. I once substituted books on archeology for mysteries, and was just as interested by delving into the deep and mysterious past as I was by exciting stories. I like getting input from external sources, but am more likely to use books and TV documentaries for that than people, especially those who aren't good sources of information. The true extrovert isn't very interested in learning things. They do tend to talk mainly about other people and status activities. I like to find friends who also read and like gathering information, and whose conversation about themselves is more probing and thoughtful. Talking to them is more interesting and less likely to be full of competitive interaction. I don't like to compete. It doesn't feel friendly to me, and I don't get that thrill from winning that some people do. I always tend to protect the underdog.

This author talks about American society as being predominately extroverted, and even we introverts tend to adapt to that by opening up more as we mature. Helgoe says that making contact with other less aggressive people (aggressive is my word. This author hasn't talked about gentle versus aggressive.) and interacting in the greater depth that one on one conversation allows, or in small trusting groups, is better for the introvert. In other words, acknowledge your type and stop blaming and criticizing yourself. It's healthier and more satisfying. Make friends who are like yourself. This is what I've always done, of course. If I am invited to a large party, I probably won't attend. I like a small party with half a dozen people of mixed sexes and varying backgrounds, and I can have individual conversations within the group, plus the subjects of conversation probably won't be gossip. Of course, it also matters who is giving the party and inviting the guests. A good introvert is more likely to invite more socially open and thoughtful people. The author mentions that a psychological type conference in Britain, saying that the British people had difficulty identifying American introverts, and the Americans had trouble spotting the British extroverts. Americans are more excitable, aggressive, and talkative in general. I have liked most of the British people whom I have met. Of course, I have only met a few, and mainly while I was in college, so they were scholarly types.

“The Extroversion Assumption: -- Introversion is the exception and extroversion is the norm –- Parties are fun – Being popular is important –- It's who you know, not what you know – Networking is essential to success –- It's not good to be alone –- It's important to be a team player --- The more the merrier. The pressure to act like an extrovert can be intense. We as introverts need to improve our ability to see others who are similar. There are certain places where introverts dominate, especially libraries and coffee houses I would add, concerts, plays, and actively benign social groups such as church related activities or clubs with a common interest or goal. For me the goal is to enjoy myself and grow as a person. I have always been one who needs friends, but they are close friends rather than the type of surface-level group-centered relationships that many extroverts prefer. As an adult, I have found it possible to enjoy what I had available to me and be happy most of the time. I need the time apart from others to ponder and analyze, thus calming myself and straightening up my thinking. I do tend to make all my own decisions by myself from the “facts” gathered from either close friends or books. I am not easily swayed by pressure or “group think.” I can be a very good friend to certain other people.

The author gives information on two introverted societies, “Norden” and Japan. By Norden, she is referring to Norway and the other far north countries. One aspect I wouldn't like about that area is the very short winter days, with no sun at all on Dec. 21 inside the Arctic Circle in Norway. One thing that does drag me down into depression, or did until I began taking my current medications, is the short winter day and especially the rapidly shortening days of Autumn. October is my most anxious month. April, on the other hand is my most buoyant, giving me a high that got me diagnosed as bipolar. The author, in describing Norwegian society, says visitors “are stunned by its beauty and cleanliness.... Introverts are less likely to feel overstimulated here, and are spared the constant evidence of the other people who share this space.... The prevailing form of government, social democracy, embraces consensus decision-making.... a more inclusive “feminine” style of management, and more attention to the individual worker.” “The Norden personality emphasizes privacy, restraint, respect and equality.... The dominantly Lutheran religious culture emphasizes private faith over public evangelism. Showoffs are not appreciated.” Helgoe highlights the career of Alfred Nobel, a well-known introvert, stating that he had 350 patents and controlled factories and laboratories in twenty countries, was fluent in five languages, and wrote novels, poetry and plays. About the long, dark winters, there are “light cafes” in Norway, where your seat is served by a therapeutic light box. Light boxes light that can be bought on the Amazon website and other sites on the Net. The downside is that the taxes and the cost of running a business are very high.

“Japan: Manners Over Mouth” – Helgoe is most impressed with the tea garden, a place that is made very beautifully, not for a large group, but for an individual, and in which the sitter can meditate. Zen Buddhism, she said, is very popular in Japan. In meeting a new person for the first time, the Japanese consider holding out your hand and introducing yourself to be “intrusive,” preferring instead “holding back” or “enryo” to give the other person time to “size up the situation,” thus you wouldn't learn the name on first acquaintance. I see that gives you a chance to learn a little about the other person, and then be ready to receive their name.

I have a difficult time remembering names on first acquaintance, and do better if I talk a little first. I always want to know a little of the inner self when I am meeting a new person, so I can know if I am gravitating toward them or away from them. The name “clicks” better for me that way. My main problem is with first names, and many people when they introduce someone they only give the first name. I have a much fuller picture of the new person if I get their last name, too, since I like to guess the language and country where their family came from. According to Emily Post, when introducing people you are supposed to tell each of them something about the other. This can be demanding at a party where you may not know the people that well, but it does help that first name to stick in my mind.

The term “honorable” is used in personal interactions, showing a “reverence”, as is the bow. The following sign was put up by the owner of a narrow driveway: “We're sorry, but we must respectfully request that owners of honorable cars not connected to this household cooperate by refraining from parking in front of our humble driveway.” I can't see Americans ever going to that extent to be polite. I would feel very restricted in such a society. Maybe that is because I am only introverted to a certain extent, and can be extroverted at times. When I am feeling in a good mood, I have a good deal of energy and I want the freedom to stride confidently forward with life. I want to be gentle, but not invisible.

The result shows up in the difference between Japanese and American crime statistics. Murders in the US are 8 times more common, rapes are 25 times more common, aggravated assault 81 times, and robbery 146 times more common. On top of this, they only have 1/3 as many police, 1/5 as many judges, and 1/20 as many jail cells as we do in the US. The Japanese prize restraint, harmony and spiritual practice (over religion, per se), and the result is a safer society. According to the author, safety is very highly prized by introverts. It's necessary, really, if you are going to go by yourself and take a quiet walk in the woods. That is something that I used to do every day as a child. I came home from school, put on my slacks and tee shirt, and took my dog down in the woods behind our house to give her some exercise. That was a very safe time and place. No sexual predators ever waited there for me.

Japan, unfortunately, has one of the highest suicide rates of industrialized countries. So do the Nordic countries. In the far north it is thought to be because of the dark winters, but in Japan I would think it would be because of the suppression of natural tendencies and individualism. According to this book, the Myers Briggs test has been given in Japan, too, as well as a number of other countries, and there are about a 50 percent division of the populations worldwide between introverts and extroverts. I suspect it may be an inherited factor, from thinking about my own family. However, the extroverts in Japan must be bordering on depressed all the time, or very angry. The Japanese phrase, which I've heard before this book, is “The nail that sticks up gets hammered down,” whereas the American phrase is “It's the squeaky wheel that gets the grease.”

There is a trend in Japanese society toward a practice called “hikikomori,” which is the withdrawal, usually by a boy, out of society and into his room for six months or longer. One such boy had been shamed and bullied by his classmates because he had a God-given talent for baseball which made him show up his teammates, who though they tried, couldn't do as well. This is a polar opposite from American society. I wouldn't want to live in a completely introverted society. I have too much enthusiasm in my own nature to want to cope with the constant “hammering down.” Humility and gentleness is a good thing, but for a whole society to be suppressed isn't good. I would just like for Americans to be more thoughtful, polite and gentle, as some of them certainly are.

5:45 Supper and news now.